A tale of three celebrities

Gary Glitter is in a stand-off at Bangkok airport as he claims to have had a heart attack such as, he says, prevents him from returning to the UK. I made my views known as to how I'd like Glitter to be dealt with yesterday. Hopefully he'll do it himself before someone else welcomes him home.

Jade Goody, the personification of an untalented, vulgar, pig-ugly chav, has cancer. I wouldn't wish that on anyone (except, perhaps, Gary Glitter). But her illness was revealed to her while she was in the Indian Big Brother house. Call me a cynic but I cannot help but feel that this is a stunt of some kind.

Jeremy Clarkson has been attacked by Number 10 on its website! The sorry fact for the government is that Clarkson is far more popular than Gordon Brown and one cannot help but feel that if there were a presidential poll of some kind between the two men, Brown would be annihilated.

Another day, another round of nonsense in our media.

Heather Mills doesn't have a leg to stand on

I have never been a fan of the tabloid press' tendency to indulge in a feeding frenzy and to continually victimise the famous. The continued pursuit of Britney Spears and Paul Gascoigne make me feel more than a little uneasy. The same cannot be said, however, of Heather Mills. 

You would have thought that this narcissistic fantasist would by now have crawled back under the rock from whence she came. But it appears she wishes to continue her fight - judging from her "appearance" on GMTV this morning. She wants the full transcripts of the entire court battle with Sir Paul McCartney to be published while simultaneously whining about an infringement of her privacy. 

Apparently Heather Mills has retained the services of a celebrity lawyer to fight her position in the English courts. One problem: the lawyer is an American, Gloria Allred. Records published by the Law Society show that Miss Allred, 66, is not on the roll of solicitors. One wonders how she can give English law advice or represent Heather Mills in court. 

Yet again Heather Mills makes a decision that will only seek to confirm in the eyes of the public that she is unhinged. She managed to get a settlement that equated to £700 for every hour she was married to Sir Paul McCartney. That's less per hour than she earned when she was a "model" but it's still an obscene sum for an obscene woman. 

Hop off to America, Heather. No one wants to hear from you here anymore.